“I don’t like it when they yell at me”: Deescalation and the Calm Response

“I don’t like it when they yell at me.”

I often hear this phrase when working with children. Imagine you have driven into a busy intersection before your turn and another driver starts yelling and honking loudly. It would be easy to become defensive and ready to argue with the other driver. This could also be a natural response for a resistant child who is yelled at by mom or dad. Yelling seems to be an easy fix to an immediate problem when we feel tired or overwhelmed, but it will often make your child more upset.

It has been said that a gentle answer will deescalate anger. Often, an angry person can be calmed down by a simple, quiet, and empathetic response. He or she will be more likely to communicate and resolve the issue that is causing them to feel angry or frustrated. When your child is upset, don’t match their level of emotion. Try to remain calm and clear headed. Use quiet, kind words to help them relax to a point where they are able to express their thoughts and feelings. Your child will feel respected and understood, even if they cannot have their way.

As always, consistency is the key to any discipline process. It is important to set boundaries with your child and this may take time as you develop a habit of calm communication. If your child has become accustomed to yelling, he or she may no longer respond to it. Don’t give in to harsher words or a higher volume. With patient work and loving communication, you and your child can enjoy living in a yell-free home!

If you have questions related to determining strategies for responding to behavioral challenges, please contact one of our pediatric social workers.

Laura Mauriello, MS, LCSW, DT

Falling into Speech and Language!

Children learn best when actively participating in hands-on activities. Here are four great Fall activities to promote speech, language and development in your little ones!

How do you elicit language with art?

Start by laying out the materials. You can get them out one by one to help keep your child’s attention. You will discuss the supplies, and what you can do with them. Additional ideas for enhancing language and learning are listed under each activity.

  1. Fruit Loop Fall Tree Craft

Picture1

Materials:

  • Fruit loops cereal (or healthy alternative)
  • Glue
  • White cardstock paper (Don’t have cardstock? Try gluing two pieces of regular paper together.)
  • Toilet paper roll
  • Scissors

Directions:

Cut out the top of the tree with the white card stock paper. Cut two slits across from each other in the empty toilet paper roll. Put glue all over the tree top and decorate with fruit loops. Be sure to lightly press on each foot loop to make sure it sticks. Allow fruit loops to dry and slide the paper tree top inside the slits!

Enhance the Activity:

Start by playing with the fruit loops only and allowing your child to decide what color they want to use in their tree. Work on developmental skills such as counting, matching and sorting. For example, sort the colors they want to use (say, red and green). Discuss each step as you’re doing it using key sequencing words such as, “first,” “next,” “then,” “last.” Label objects and verbs as you work (trunk, leaves, tree, glue, scissors, cut, press). Use prepositions (on, in) while placing fruit loops on the tree. Expand language by talking about where you see trees, who lives in trees (squirrels), and asking simple questions like “Do trees grow?”

  1. Apple Stamps 

Picture2

Materials:

  • Apples, cut in half from top to bottom
  • Large paper
  • Paint (use what you have – examples include red, brown, green, yellow)
  • A smock!
  • Glue
  • Optional Materials:
    • Paintbrush to paint branches
    • Scissors and green construction paper to cut out leaves and caterpillars
    • Black marker to make a caterpillar face

Directions:

Cut the apple in half. Pour paint onto a paper plate (or other surface) and dip apples into the paint or use paintbrush to paint and smaller amount of paint onto the apple. Stamp the painted apple onto the paper and create you very own apple design! You could stamp brown paper bags for your child’s lunch, small paper and turn it into a “Thank You” card, or large paper and paint in tree branches. Be creative and have fun with it! For the optional part of this project, you can paint the branches ahead of time for younger kiddos.  You can also pre-cut some leaves and caterpillars, but older children can do that themselves. After the apples are stamped, add the leaves and caterpillars.

Enhance the Activity: Example discussion and language opportunities for this project include…

Cut an apple in half. Ask, “What do you think we are going to do with the apples?” (prediction).

“I have an apple. It’s a fruit.” (category). “What do you do with an apple?” (object function).  “I wonder how they taste?” (sweet, crunchy, juicy). Let your child try a piece.

“I like red apples, do you? What other colors can they be?” (describing). “Can you think of other things that are red?”

(category).  “Hmmm, where do you think apples come from? Do they grow on the ground?” (in/ on-prepositions)

“I have some paint too. What else do I need to go with paint? A brush? Why do I need a brush?” (Wh? questions, object function).

Continue discussing the glue, scissors and paper. Vocabulary may include sticky, wet, sharp, cut… you’ll think of these as you go! Include words like “first,” “next,” “last” as you go through the steps of your project to practice sequencing and following directions. Asking questions like, “Okay, what do you need first?” to ensure understanding. Use verbs like dip, push, stamp. Quantity words could include few, many and some.

  1. Cinnamon Dough

  Picture3

Ingredients:

Directions:

First, combine the flour, salt, cream of tartar, and ground cinnamon in a medium saucepan. Next, add the water and oil and stir it all together. Cook it over medium heat stirring continually until a ball forms. Then, dump it onto the table and knead it a bit.  (You may want to do this part at first because the dough will be quite warm).  Once it’s mixed up a bit and cooled off, give a section to your child.  They will love to squish it while it’s still warm.

Enhance the Activity:

Baking is the perfect way to practice sequencing skills and following oral directions! Encourage these skills in your little ones by having them follow directions involving “first,” “then,” “next” and “last.” Ask “WH” questions to ensure understanding. For example, “What will we put in NEXT?” Use self-talk to talk about what you are doing to your child. Narrate your actions – for example, “I am kneading the dough. Now, it’s your turn to knead the dough.”  Talk about what your child is doing, seeing, or touching. Narrate what he/she is doing – for example, “Bobby is mixing the flour. Great job mixing Bobby!” (parallel-talk). Discuss action words and vocabulary including: mix, stir, pour, squish, etc.

  1. Easy DIY Bird Feeders

 

Picture4

Materials:

  • Toilet paper rolls
  • Peanut butter
  • Bird seed
  • Butter knife or other tool for spreading

Directions:

Give each child a toilet paper roll and have them carefully cover it in peanut butter. Once covered have your kiddo roll the toilet roll in bird seed. That’s it!  Once the feeder is covered in seed it is ready to be hung. You can hang it directly on a tree branch or string rope, yarn or shoe string through it and use that to hang it. Your child will love watching for birds to come eat from the feeder they created!

Enhance the Activity:

Talk about each material as you take it out. What is it? Why do you need it? (WH questions). Label the tools and materials. Present clear and simple directions for your child to follow. Talk about and identify actions words from the activity: roll, stick, spread, hang etc. Before and After: Take a picture of the materials before you begin, at the end of the finished product and after a couple of weeks when the birds have eaten the seeds. Discuss before and after! How is it the same? How is it different?

Kelly Fridholm, M.C.D., CCC-SLP

When is Picky Eating a Problem?

My child is a picky eater!  Is it a problem?

This comment comes up so often with parents, as many toddlers have strong preferences for the types of food they like and will eat.  With picky eaters, mealtime can easily become a constant battle of the wills between parents and kids. You may feel like they are eating the same thing every day, and you may question if they are getting the nutrients their growing body needs.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to help understand the differences between picky eating and a potential feeding disorder:

  • Does my child eat at least 1-2 items from each food group?
  • Does my child universally reject a certain category of food (i.e. certain color, certain temperature, certain texture)?
  • Do my child’s preferences change over time?
  • If given lots of opportunities, will my child ultimately try the food? If not, will they touch it?
  • How stressful is the situation when a new food is attempted? How strong is the child’s reaction and can they recover and continue with the meal?

The key is to know when you child is acting like most other toddlers, or when the picky eating is more concerning.  The more rigid, inflexible and stressful your child is, the more concerned you should be.  If you think your child may be more than just a picky eater, consider a feeding evaluation with a speech language pathologist.  Mealtime is meant to be fun and enjoyable and just another way for your child to explore the world around them!

Sarah Pifkin Ruger, MS, CCC-SLP

Encouraging First Words: Developing Language Use in Your Child

There are many prerequisite skills that a child develops before speaking their first words – eye contact, comprehension, vocal play and babbling, gesture imitation, etc. However, parents often feel that their child is understanding language at an appropriate level, but not yet using words. To encourage the emergence of first words and word imitation, there are simple strategies that can be used during daily routines or play!

Simple verbal imitation is just a half-step down from imitation of true words. A child is more likely to imitate a set of sounds or words if it is simple and achievable for them; for instance, they are more likely to imitate “woof!” than they are to imitate “butterfly.” If your child is able to imitate gestures (such as waving, pointing, clapping) and play actions (such as making a stuffed animal eat pretend food, stacking blocks and knocking them down), practice with verbal imitation is a great next step to encouraging words. Instead of trying to prompt your child to “Say ‘ball!’” or imitate when you say “Milk,” try using natural modeling of environmental sounds. Environmental sounds can be thought of as words that represent sounds – think animals (moo, quack quack, nay, baa, woof, meow, buzz), vehicles (beep beep, vroom, crash), exclamations (mmm, whoa, yay, uh oh) and other noises you hear that can be words. Don’t worry about prompting your child to “say” these sound words, just try to make any activity as fun as possible!

Outside of environmental sounds, you can also create your own consonant-vowel combination play sounds. Early developing consonants, such as B, P, M, D, N, H, and W, can be used to form small non-words that are attached to a play action. For example, as you make a toy car go up the back of the couch, add “Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!” Stomp your feet on the ground while you march around saying, “Ba! Ba! Ba!”

Verbal routines are another fantastic way to encourage early verbal imitation. Verbal routines are sets of words that become familiar and predictable, preparing your child to know what should come next. “Ready, set, go” is a favorite among speech-language pathologists – try combining it with a fun activity, saying “Ready, set,…..” and waiting for your child to fill in “go!” “Peek-a-boo” is another simple routine that can be practiced almost anywhere! Verbal routines can also be practiced through songs, and kids usually love music! Some familiar kid’s songs: The Itsy Bitsy Spider, The Wheels on the Bus, If You’re Happy and You Know It, Old McDonald, Five Little Monkeys, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, and Row Row Row Your Boat.

 Children are expected to imitate consonant-vowel combinations and non-speech sounds by between 9 and 12 months. First words are expected to emerge between 9 and 15 months. If you are concerned about your child’s expressive language skills, contact your local Early Intervention Child and Family Connections or contact us at PlayWorks Therapy, Inc.!

Leanne Sherred, MS, SLP-CF

Pretend Play with Paper Bags

Picture1Paper bags can have endless uses! You can use them to carry groceries, pack lunches and picnics or even make a pretend city!

What you will need:

  • Paper bags, grocery or lunch size
  • Newspaper
  • Paint and/or markers
  • Stapler

Want the know-how? Start by making roofs for all of your buildings at the opening of the bag; add doors, window, flowers and any decorations that you want! Let your child decorate and decide what buildings they want in their city. Create a school, hospital, library, your own house or friends’ homes!

Once your bags are all decorated, stand them up and add crumpled newspaper or double the bags for added stability. Fold the top of the bag and staple shut (you can also leave them open and cut out windows and doors for extra fun!)

You are ready to play pretend! Add cars and your favorite characters for expanded play!

This activity great for building your toddler’s vocabulary! Talk about the buildings, what colors they are, who might go to a building and why, what decorations you are making, or how big or small to make a decoration. Adding stickers is a great opportunity to practice requesting (i.e. “I want the flower.”). In addition, stickers often offer opportunity to request “help” opening or unpeeling the back of the sticker. Once your project is finished, be sure to talk about where a character or a vehicle is going, who they are going to see, or what they are doing, the opportunities for play are endless!

Send us pictures of your pretend house or city and be featured on our blog!

 **This activity requires adult-supervision, especially for children under the age of three.**

Picture and activity are adapted from kidsactivityblog.com

Jessie Delos Reyes, MA, CF-SLP

Get Creative with These Homemade Activities!

While this summer has brought us some beautiful weather, there are still those rainy days where we are forced to stay inside. Are you looking for new, cheap activities for your children? Here are two fun and easy recipes for entertaining your little ones:

  1. Homemade Play-Doh

Ingredients:

1 cup flour

1 cup water

½ cup salt

1 Tbsp. crisco oil

2 tsp. cream of tartar

Food coloring

Directions: Combine all of the ingredients into a sauce pan and cook over medium/high heat (stirring constantly) until ball forms. Knead the doh for a couple minutes. Store in an airtight container.

Play-doh is a good interactive activity to encourage engagement with your child by showing your child how to roll the doh into a ball, poke the doh with your finger, or form the doh into fun shapes and animals. Play-doh can also be used as a sensory activity, in which the squeezing and tearing of the doh helps children use their sense of touch to regulate their behavior and calm their bodies.

  1. Home Car Wash

Ingredients:

Squirt bottle with water

Hand soap with pump

Scrubbing tool (e.g. sponge, toothbrush)

Towel

Toy cars

Directions: Put some cars into a bowl and ask your child to spray them with the water bottle. Then ask the child to pump some soap onto the cars. Take the scrubbing tool and have the child scrub the different parts of the car (e.g. wheels, doors, windows). Then ask the child to spray the soap off with water before drying the car off with the towel.

This car washing activity works on using a child’s fine motor skills with the squeezing of the water bottle, pumping of the soap, and scrubbing of the car. This activity can also encourage following directions by asking the child to complete a step before moving onto the next. If you have a number of colored cars, you can work on color identification by asking the child to wash a specific color of car with each wash.

Brittany Hill, MS, MSW, LSW, DT

My Child Is Stuttering — Should I be Concerned?

Many children in the early language developing years (anywhere from one to five years old) pass in and out of stages of increased disfluency. This is often seen when children go through a time of rapid language growth, where they increase their vocabulary and begin to combine words into short phrases. Children may frequently struggle with word finding in connected speech and repeat sounds and syllable shapes as they ‘look for’ the right word. They also use fillers, such as “uh” or “um,” in conversation.

Young children may repeat the sounds at the beginning of words (“Ka-ka-cookie”) or they may repeat whole words at the beginning of phrases (“My-my turn”). Normal disfluencies are two- to four-repetitions long (“I-I-I want ice cream”) and the child will continue their phrase without pause. The majority of typically developing children are unaware that they are disfluent and show little to no signs of frustration. They often do not follow a pattern of disfluency, but may experience times of increased disfluency when they are excited, tired, upset, or when under stress to talk or answer questions. They may be disfluent for a few days or weeks at a time, and then enter periods of relatively fluent speech. This occurs naturally as children learn how to use language in a new way. These periods of disfluency are considered age-appropriate and usually disappear on their own.

As a parent, you can support your child by allowing him or her to finish their word/phrase on their own before responding. Acknowledge their communication attempt by giving them plenty of time to communicate and use slow, unhurried speech in your response.

Moderate to severe stuttering is characterized by longer repetitions, effortful speech, and tense facial muscles.  Children with atypical disfluencies may experience a ‘block’ in speech, where no airflow or sounds occur for a few seconds. They may become embarrassed about talking or avoid talking altogether.

If you have any concerns about your child’s fluency or communication skills, email info@playworkschicago.com to schedule a speech-language evaluation with one of our experienced clinicians.

Autumn Smith, MS, CCC-SLP
Speech-Language Pathologist

Transitioning to Preschool- Finding the Right School for You and Your Child

The transition to preschool can be an intimidating one for families – every parent wants the very best for their child! Here are some questions to consider when choosing the right school for your child and family:

What is the school’s educational philosophy?

Parents are encouraged to ask schools this question however may be unsure of their own educational philosophy. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Is the program play-based? Are the children allowed to explore and discover or do they complete mostly drill work (i.e. worksheets)?
  • What is the school-family relationship like? Are families welcome and/or expected to volunteer? Is there an open door policy or do families need to make appointments to stop in?
  • What curriculum is used in the classroom?

Does the school use a skills based assessment?

It is important to learn how your child’s preschool program will be tracking their progress over time. Are they assessed every 6 months? Once a year? What tool is used to assess their skills? You want to make sure that your child’s cognitive, social-emotional, and physical development is monitored to ensure they are successful in the classroom and getting any support they may need.

What qualifications or educational background do the teachers have?

Qualifications to teach in a preschool classroom can vary from school to school – some require a bachelor’s degree in early childhood education, elementary education, child development, etc. Others may require only a few hours of coursework and complete the rest of their training in-house. You want to make sure that you are comfortable with their educational background and experience, as these are the people who will help your child learn and grow!

What is the school’s discipline policy?

It is essential that a preschool’s and classroom’s rules are clear to both the parents and child. You want to be certain the program is setting children up for success in the classroom. How often are the rules reviewed with the children? Are they posted it the classroom or around the school?

You also want to make sure you agree with the way the school handles discipline, should the situation arise. Do they use the “timeout” method? Do they redirect the child when possible? Do they talk with the child to explain why they are being disciplined and to resolve the situation? Are children rewarded or acknowledged for good behavior?

Does my child need to be potty trained to attend?

Some schools require children to be potty trained in certain classrooms and may not allow a child to move up to the next room until they are using the toilet regularly. Other schools do not require children to be fully potty trained and help out in the practice.

Kimberly Shlaes, MAT, DT

Developmental Therapist

How Do I Teach My Child To Care About Others? Part Two: Practice Kindness

Please refer to part one, Modeling Empathy, of this two-part blog post.

Practice Kindness

The next logical step after empathy is kindness. What is kindness? It’s an attitude of empathy that leads to an action. You model kindness when you act in ways that express empathy. Kindness is a choice to do something or to say something that shows you care.

You can show kindness to your child by offering an alternative to help them overcome their anger at needing to clean up their toys: “After you calm down, you can help me set the table for dinner.” We learn to be kind by receiving kindness. When your child is experiencing a negative emotion, your kindness towards them will be keenly felt. You validate their worth when you show kindness despite a difficult interaction, and your child will learn compassion.

You can also encourage kindness by suggesting appropriate action towards others:
“When do you think you should give Sarah a turn to swing?”, or “Let’s help John pick up all those crayons!”

Try to create opportunities to practice showing kindness to others:
“How about we bring a couple of extra water bottles to the park for someone that doesn’t have one?”, or “I think it would be kind to help somebody today. Shall we look for someone who could use a hand while we are at the store?”

Older children may be encouraged to understand kindness by playing games like charades. Try discussing real or made-up scenarios and compare kind or unkind responses. Talk to your child about kind or unkind actions they may see on TV or read about in their books.

Kindness may also be expressed in words. Teach your children a language of kindness. Speak kindly to your children. Never use harsh words, and tell them how much you appreciate them. Demonstrate speaking kindly to others. Don’t allow your children to insult you or others. Remember that words are powerful, whether positive or negative.

Conclusion
Remember, you are your child’s first and most influential teacher. He or she will emulate your words and actions. When your child learns to identify with the feelings of others and practices kindness towards them, respect for the needs of others is a natural result. When you treat other people like they matter, your child will watch and learn!

If you have questions related to supporting your child’s social emotional development, please contact one of our pediatric social workers.

Laura Mauriello, MS, LCSW, DT

Bilingual Language Acquisition – Frequently Asked Questions

In the United States, more than 20% of school-aged children speak a language other than English at home. As soon as I learn that a client is exposed to more than one language I always make sure to answer any questions related to bilingual language development. Often times, I encounter families that speak more than one language at home, but they decide to only expose their child to one language in fear that speaking more than one language will confuse their toddler. Other times, I meet families that attribute their child’s language delay solely to the fact that they are exposed to more than one language. Here are a few of the most common questions related to bilingual language development that I have encountered as a speech-language pathologist and an Early Intervention provider.

Question: “Is it okay that I expose my child to more than one language at home?”
Answer: Absolutely. In fact, research states that there is a “critical period” – or, a window of time during early childhood when it is easiest to learn a language.

Question: “My child is 2 years old and is not producing any words. They’re exposed to English and Spanish at home, so it’s okay that they’re not talking yet. Right?”
Answer: Wrong! Though a child who is simultaneously learning more than one language may start talking a little later than monolingual children, they should still begin talking within the normal range. If your toddler is 2 and not producing any words at all, this definitely warrants a speech-language evaluation.

Question: “My child frequently goes back and forth between languages when they’re talking to me. Is this normal?”
Answer: Yes. This is called “code-switching.” “Code-switching” is typical and it is a process that both children and adults who speak more than one language experience. Children might do this when they know a word in one language but not the other. This should not be looked at as a sign of language delay or confusion.

Question: “I want my child to be bilingual. What can I do at home to make sure my child learns both languages successfully?”
Answer: Do what is most natural and comfortable to your child and your family. Some families prefer that one parent speak to their child in one language while the other parent talks exclusively in another. Some families decide to mix languages amongst caregivers. Whatever approach you decide to take, trust that it can lead to bilingualism.

Julie Euyoque MA CCC-SLP